Jan. 12th, 2004 @ 09:46 am
Well, i sat here and wrote out a long post and then somehow i lost it. In my present state of mind I couldn't re-write it. it will have to wait till later. Now, I am not only depressed, in pain, anxious and jittery, but I am pissed off. Oh well, I am sure I will feel better later!
Current Music: SG-1 in background
Current Music: My child chatting non-stop
Well, it's late and I am watching Scream. Gee...that will help me sleep! I watched a classic today, King Kong Lives! What a corker!! I love TV.
Well, someone i have known for 16 years has decided to completly reverse their personality and walk out of my life. Not just mine, but my daughters as well. I am so weary of the whole thing, my heart breaks, but no doubt I will get over it, no doubt quicker than I should. I have been having to deal with my grief, because she might as well be dead to me for all she has done, but i am having to keep it to myself. Everyone around me is so angry and bitter that my hurt has to lie buried. I will not expose myself. Their attitude is one of disdain and I am not going to try and change that.
I have lost friends over the years, as we all do. But this was not just a friendship, she was part of the family. Hpoefully, one day soon, i will be able to think back without the tears springing to my eyes and remember the good things, rather than the bad!
I don't know, I don't know what to do or think! I think the best thing is to do or say nothing! Oh well, all things to come to end. I will survive like always, but I think i will be a little sadder for it.
Well, it is christmas eve morning, i am still rubbing sleppy dust out of my eyes and still dreaming of a white christmas. Oh well, not this year!
I saw Return of the King yesterday and loved every minute of it. and yes, i cried like a baby. Didn't Leggy look scrum-diddily-umpcious? What an elf!
I nearly broke my poor hubby's hand during the Shelob fight, ewwwwww, i hate spiders, especially if they are bigger than my foot (for sqaushing purposes). I know that us daughters of the Goddess should respect all nature, but i assure you, i do penance when i take the life of one of those creep crawley, make my tummy turn, icky, yukky, blah, give me the shivers eight legged freaks!
I think Aragon was a little wussy, for me there was no transformation like there was in the book. My chest didn't swell with pride! To be honest I think that they just brushed his hair and hoped for the best. Don't get me wrong, I like Viggo, but there was no umpfh!
Andy Serkis def deserves an oscar! He is Gollum! What a performance. I liked that he didn't even know he was falling to his death becuase he was so happy he had the ring. Poor Seamgel!
I was really disapointed about the Eowen/Faramir romance, but you can't have everything.
When Elrond's lip quivered when he realised Arwen had truly made he choice, waaaah! Not really a fan of Arwen, but i suppose they decided that the men needed some eye-candy!
Poor old Bilbo looked in dire need of some Clinique moisteriser, that or a good soak in Elrond's strawberry bubble bath, bless his little cotton socks!
Well, the movie was great, I will be on high for a few days to come and will go and see it again after New year.
New years resolution...hmmmm....spend less on E-Bay!
Still no hoover on the horizon, have started sweeping dirt under the carpet. These things are sent to try us!
Happy a good Xmas day, love you all, Blessed be!
Well, that's it....all over, the death of a dear friend. Yes, my hoover has passed on. I feel so naked and exposed. My floor is a disaster area and i had to stoop to borrow my neighbors clunky machine. Not only did it take several runs to suck up any dirt but it sounded like a cat being strangled! I am so depressed, why is it that these things happen just before Xmas, when it knows you have company coming, oh..hang on a min, while i sweep my carpet with my dust-pan and brush!
I have had to order a second rate cheep vacuum because i can't afford to replace my Dyson. Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!
|» Yule logs and an electric fire|
Well, tis the season! Tis the season to be grumpy, bah humbug!|
I am just tired i suppose. I am looking forward to them opening their presents, but i found my Xmas spirit lacking this year. I suppose it's all the things that have happened in the last few months. Also, after checking our finances we can't afford to get a turkey and all that goes with it. So, it will be frozen pizza! Blah...
In case you are wondering, i bought all the presents months ago. Also, my hubby was supposed to get paid all at once, but there has been a problem where he works and he will be getting post-dated checks, which we can't deposit till after Xmas. In the mean time the bills still have to be paid and the hampster still needs her munchies.
I was so bored the other day that i decorated the hampsters cage, she has tinsel (garland to you in the US) and a musical teddy thingy sitting on top. I wonder if she appreciates it, or thinks i am insane. But then, i dont think she thinks at all as she in the land of nod 23 hours a day. She is the fatest, laziest hampster i have ever seen.
Anyway.... my child is now home for the holiday's, Goddess give me strength! I looked in the mirror and saw my hair go grey! If i could find a rock big enough for my big fat arse, i would go and hide under it!
Ok, happy holiday's, eat, drink and drink some more, then a little bit more and be merry. I intend too, bolocks to the food, i'm gonna get drunk, woohoooooooooo!
oh...and Santa.... if you can find it in your heart, don't forget that I would like to find Haldir under my tree, with ribbon tied round his......
|» Me against the School|
Well, today was an eventful one. I have been having problems with my daughters school and today i went to confront them.|
What happened i hear you ask! Better to ask what hasn't happened.
First, she was being bullied, i put a stop to that straight away. Basically, i made a few choice comments in front of the children responsible parents. That ended that.
Second, she hated it, this is her first serious year mind you. Last year was reception (learning through play). She tried everything to get out of it, lying, fits of anger, being disruptive and then finally cutting a huge chunk of her hair out and blaming another child. Why? I hear you ask, because she thought i would take her out of that school. She know has to have one-2-one with the emotional learning support group, which i don't mind. There have been some family disasters and unfortunatly she found out about them.
So, things have been plodding along nicely, until a few weeks ago. As everyone knows all the schools are getting ready for their nativity plays. I didn't know, but my child was cast as Mary and then taken away from her, why? because of talking. Please bear in mind she is not yet 6.
Well, i couldn't understand why every time i asked her about it, she would get in a strop and say she wasn't going because she wasn't Mary. I thought she was just jealous.
After a week and a half of this i was talking to another parent and half way through the conversation, she said "oooo, did u know she had the roll of Mary, but took it away from her as punishment", NO, i did not know (several times i have had to find out my child has been punished by other peoples children). She is a very personal child, she does'nt talk about school at home, basically, she is a mirror image of me and she is extreemly sensitive, she takes everything very personally. I confronted her teacher, "she was naughty and messed around on stage, we changed some other rolls and hers was taken away", right, fine, what i am i supposed to say, it's a bit harsh but what can i do.
As the days have passed she has become bitter, withdrawn, angry, introverted...depressed. Her whold personality has changed since she started this class.
Well, last night was the nativity play. When the queue of children went past, she looked very unhappy. She came straight over to us and just stood there. Her teacher came over and said "she says she has a head, you might as well take her home now", well, i had to restrain my husband from slapping her. We talked her into continuing with the play and she took her seat. On the floor in front of the other children, by herself! She behaved perfectly. Her teacher kept shushing her, why? she wasn't doing anything wrong. My husband was getting more and more angry and so was i. When it was finished she started to cry because she thought we were leaving her. "oh, you might as well go" her teacher said while the other children stayed put.
Earlier in the day she told me she wasn't allowed to go to the christmas party, why? because i was talking. That's a bit harsh, i will have to ask. Then several other parents approached me to say the same thing. So after the play i approached her teacher to ask. "well, as you can see from her disruptive and uncooperative behavior she is on her last chance". What was i supposed to say or do in a room crowed with people.
This morning, we got ready and left early so i could see the Head of the school. Well, not only was the head there, so was her deputy. I told them i was very upset with the way she was treated and that the punishments were totaly out of order, unfair and extreme. I told them everything and gave them a piece of my mind. They said that we couldn't continue with conflict so they wanted to get her teacher in and find a way to help her be happy. When i told her teacher she became defensive and snotty. She denied it all and said if i didn't believe her that was my problem. What the hell i am i supposed to do. My child needs an education, there is nowhere else to take her. We came to an partial-agreement to help her, which i wont go into, this is long enough.
There are a lot of other parents that aren't happy with this teacher and children who dread going to school. Something here is wrong. I know my child is not perfect, but she is not the monster they make her out to be. Luckly i have other parents on my side and they have seen the way she has been treated. We have decided to get all the unhappy parents together and have a meeting-of-sorts. One parent is even compiling a report on this teacher which she is going to hand out to all the other parents. Her child's religion is being ignored and sneered at, another long story.
So, all in all, do i feel better? NO Do i feel that anything has been accomplished? NO
I feel that if she picks on, ostrasizes, harshley punishes my child again, i will slap her. Who will be in trouble? ME
I thought i would start out with a poem|
I surround myself with shattered glass,
The shattered glass of my past life.
As i pick up the pieces of the disarrayed
puzzle. I cut my hands
Unsure cures; of a lost love, in a sense;
becomes my pain...
I realise now, I am not alone!
I can not see your face...
Illumination from neon lights...reveals the
vision in a mirror. I see myself in you...
Soon; I pray for the forgiveness;
beyond this heart...
Strong understanding of ending to transition;
creates the new beginning.
as published in Top of the World/2000, by myself